I am at my dad's apartment with nothing to do but watch re-runs of Star Trek: the Next Geration. So I'm going to go to that now.

Does anyone even read this blog?

Mark

Ok, so the blog didn't start of the way I thought it would. The damn Work Nazis at school kept us slaveing away like manics. And for what? A stupid number on a piece of paper. That just burns my toast, you know what I mean?

So now I'm going to do what I was going to do. This a story that I wrote when I was 12ish. I don't really remeber, truth be told. It will give you a slight idea what my stories started off like.

The Magic Pig

One day, a few years ago, there was a poor farmer with only a little plot of land and a pig. There was a famine in the land, so the farmer's marajuna crop wasn't doing too well.
The police soon came and arrested the farmer for growing an illegel crop. The farmer asked when he would be let out of jail.
"When pigs fly I expect," said the cop. The farmer then thought of a way to excape the unearthly sentence.
"Can I have your word on that," ask the farmer. The cop seeing no harm in the idea replied, "Sure, but make it quick."
So the farmer ran out to the pig pen and brought his pig into the front yard.
"Fly pig," commanded the farmer. The pig didn't move.
"Fly pig," said the farmer though gridded teeth. The pig didn't seem to mind much and started to chew on some weeds.
"Fly you freakn' pig, fly!" yelled the farmer. Then the pig did somthing most unexpected. The pig got up on his hind legs, walked straight up to the farmer and said straight to his face, " I'm a pig, not a bird. Get it straight."
The cops were so stunned at the talking pig, that they didn't see the farmer making his escape. The farmer wasn't seen for 5 years, and was found at a pot party smoking weed and was sentence for 10 years in jail.

Yep, that's the magic pig for you folks out in cyberland with nothing to do but read random peoples blogs. I pity you with all my heart.

Speaking of heart, I had to go to the doctor today. Don't worry, I'm fine. But the whole story is kinda funny, well, not really, but I'll tell you all anyway.

My chest hurt whenever I breathed today. And the pain was in the left side of my chest, around my heart. I have had this pain on occation for awhile now, but it was getting pretty annoying by the time I was on to second period.
I was talking to my best friend Olay after class and we completely forgot the time and before we knew it we were late to class. This was more a problem for me since my teacher one pet peeve was lateness and would have given me a detention had I walked into her class several minutes late without a pass. Olay suggested that I go to the nurses office and fake a headache, take a few asprin and leave with a pass back to class, thus saving me from a dentention and the frist few minutes of my next class :) This was a amazingly good plan and I am greatly indebted to her for thinking it up.
Insead of complaining about a headache, I decieded to be somewhat honest and tell the nurse about the pain in my chest. The nurse got very nervous when I pointed to where the pain was and quickly sat me down and started to take my blood pressure and check my pulse. She then insisted on calling my mother and telling her about my chest pains. I went along with everything, even drawing things out longer than nessacary just so that I wouldn't have to go back to class. Eventually I left the nurse's office with a tylenol, a offer to leave school whenever I wanted, and a doctor's appointment at 4.
The rest of the day passed as did the pain and when I got the doctor's I reliezed I had absolutly no idea why I should be there. The doctor told me that what I had was called plural catch. It's when a piece of lung gets stuck inbetween the rib cage. He even provided useful illustrations of how this would happen, which was very nice of him. As it turns out that sort of thing happens to a lot of adolecent girls. Usually during a growth sprut.

That was a more pointless story then the one with the doped up famer and the talking pig. Sorry about that folks. If your still with me, you are all sicker than I thought you were.

Good night everybody! Until next time, this is Mark, the Unfortuantaly Name Female!

Hello and welcome to my blog. I, Mark the unfortunatly named, welcome you with open arms. I hope dearly that we may all become good friends in due time.

Enough with the happy hippy shit.

This is how this blog is going to go. I am going to post amazing and awe-inspiring writings and such and you are going to read and like 'em. They will be wonderful, good and wholesome, don't you worry about that. Best of all, you will get to read my horribly morbid children tales. I have always been throughly annoyed with the stupid and predicable happy endings that children stories seem to always have. Since the young age for 8 or so I have been writing seemingly run-of-the-mill short stories that end horribly morbid. I doubt that I will have to force you to read them.

The fun will offically start tomorrow. Be ready for it.

Mark